Pearls of Great Price

         One of the fastest growing religious demographics in the United States at the moment is the unchurched: a mass of disaffected former believers who are leaving organized religion.  While this trend is often portrayed as simple disillusionment on the part of the unbeliever or a failure of institutional religions to maintain relevance, for me, it was a choice I had to make between competing values. It was a difficult and painful choice that took me out of the faith of my childhood but eventually brought me into a much fuller and happier world. The parable of the “Pearl of Great Price” illustrates the nature of this choice rather well. 

“Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto a merchant man, seeking goodly pearls: Who, when he found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had, and bought it.”

                                                                                                   --Matthew 13:45-46, King James Version

For centuries, Christians have understood this parable as an expression for the great value of the kingdom of heaven: worth sacrificing all you have in order to have it. This parable also implies that if you are not willing to stake all you have and your entire future on it, you are not worthy of it. The Mormon community, the faith of my upbringing, extends the parable’s interpretation a bit further. The “one pearl of great price” stands for the restoration of the gospel, the institutional church itself. Many a believing Mormon has invoked the narrative of sacrificing the goods of former churches, careers, hobbies, friendships and even family relationships in order to embrace membership in the restored, true church. They sold pearls they already possessed so that they could have the “one pearl of great price.” This parable illustrates my own experience well too, but in a different way: I discovered some pearls of such value that I sold the “one pearl of great price” in order to have these valuable pearls. The “one pearl of great price” claims to contain all other pearls. I discovered that the church actually hindered my pursuit of the ideals and values I hold to be of greatest worth: truth, justice, excellence, and possibility. Like the merchant in the parable, I too am willing to stake all I have and my entire future on these values.

                Truth—Growing up in the church I often heard the refrain: “I know this church is true.” I had even stated, as so many others, “I am grateful to have the truth” with the implication that others were not so fortunate. Of course this truth that I referred to was a special knowledge of the plan of salvation, the need for saving rituals, and an institution authorized by God himself to perform them. This truth also includes all of the teachings and guidance that church leaders provide through talks and scriptures like the Book of Mormon. This truth of my upbringing was very exclusive to this unique institution.

                As I grew, I discovered that truth is illuminating. As my understanding of truth grew, it improved my experience and journey in life. Like a good map, truth enables me to make effective choices, anticipate difficulties, and find long-term solutions to society’s greatest problems. Truth came to be something rather independent of the exclusive truth the church provided.

                In fact, I came to understand that the validity of the church’s truth depends heavily on careful omissions and perpetuated ignorance of historical facts. Volumes of historical documents that contradict institutional truth claims fail to make it into the historical stories told in church. This is not accidental. In a famous talk given to church education instructors, Boyd K. Packer stated that “Some things that are true are not very useful.” The context of this statement bears out the understanding that historical truths should be included in instruction only if they are “worthy or faith promoting.” In this talk he excoriates those who have an “exaggerated loyalty to the theory that everything must be told.”¹ Within the church an institutional truth-claim trumps truths rooted in the use of reason, evidence, and critical thinking conducted among individuals engaged in open inquiry. The contrast between the church’s exclusive truth and my discovery of the value of truth clashed heavily. Truth must be embraced because it is true, not because it serves the interests of an organization. Truth became a pearl of great price. One of such value to me, I sold the “one pearl of great price” in order to obtain it.

                Justice—Growing up in the church I embraced a strong faith in a Jesus Christ who will answer the claims of justice with his atoning sacrifice. He will right the injustices committed here in mortality at the final day. This particular hope in the ultimate judgment comforted me greatly. The church held an exclusive claim on this as Christ himself directs the church through revelation to his prophets, seers, and revelators. Christ guides them on how the church should proceed in this unjust world to make it a better place. My expectations were great as were the church’s claims.

                The ideal of justice demands that each individual receive the opportunities, rights, liberties, and responsibilities due to them as human beings. These aspects of human life should never be denied an individual based on who he or she is. Whether black or white, male or female, or even heterosexual or homosexual each member of our society deserves to have full participation in the community. These opportunities, rights, liberties, and responsibilities are the greatest fruit of a liberal democracy. It is the grossest injustice to deny them to anyone based on ignorance or prejudice, whether racist or homophobic.

                This pearl of great price clashes with the teachings and actions of a church that has actively excluded entire classes of its membership from full participation based on nothing more than race, gender, or sexual orientation. The church has a long history of denying the priesthood to those of African descent and women. Those with African heritage can now hold the priesthood but the historical wrong has never been officially acknowledged by the institution. The church has actively fought against homosexuals having full civil rights. It has expended much money and time opposing efforts to make gay marriage state recognized. The church also sustains its leadership within an authoritarian hierarchy that places them beyond criticism or institutional accountability to the rest of the membership. These injustices are not marginal aberrations of an otherwise well intentioned organization. They are central to the very structure of the organization. These stark clashes against the pearl of justice presented me with a choice: obtain this pearl of great price or continue to support an unjust institution. I sold the “one pearl of great price.”

                Excellence—Growing up in the church I was taught that I should strive to perfect myself. I was taught that I was a god in embryo and that Christ commanded me to be perfect even as He was perfect. The purpose of existence was to grow into this perfected being, free of flaws. Of course, I was not expected to achieve this state here in this world.  It was clearly communicated to me that this would not be realized until some point in the next life. Moreover, I was also taught that I would not be able to accomplish this on my own. The atonement of Christ would make up for my inadequate efforts.

                The pursuit of excellence demands that one become the best that they can be. Striving to achieve excellence requires a great deal of effort from an individual and organization but never expects one to go beyond one’s capacity. In fact, the ideal of excellence is rooted in the very essential nature of one’s being and no more. A fighter who strives after excellence never expects himself to be able to sprout wings and fly. This ideal flourishes in the seedbed of the real.

                By placing human potential beyond this world the realization of this kind of excellence is also placed in some after life. If humankind are gods in embryo then their ultimate potential is a state of being that is all powerful, perfectly good, and all knowing. I have discovered that to strive after excellence under such a presupposition fatigues the imagination and disheartens the most courageous because there is never the payoff of achieving it in any real way here. Moreover, the ultimate realization of this ideal relies on the intercession of one Jesus Christ. The pearl of excellence rests on the effort and hard work of the one who strives after it. The teaching that we are gods in embryo makes us infants in this world and undermines the pursuit of excellence as an ideal in and of itself.

                An inaccurate understanding of human sexuality also impedes the pursuit of excellence by inducing one to misapply valuable energy in futile efforts. The church taught me that I could control my sexuality by first controlling my thoughts. If I failed to control my thoughts I could succumbed to serious sin and failure. Church leaders told me that my mind was like a stage. I must control what appears on the stage. If I didn’t and allowed some sexual thought in my mind it could start my sexual drive like a factory that once it gets started is nearly impossible to shut down. So, much effort should be expended to keep these thoughts out and the sexual factory idle. What I discovered was that human sexuality is far too instinctual for either of these metaphors to work. Such drives emerge and are in play before we are consciously aware of them. To seek to prevent these sexual thoughts from coming into being is as absurd as trying to stop the incoming tide with a picket fence. I wasted much energy and effort trying to achieve an impossible state of mind.

                I run marathons competitively. I strive and work intensely to get faster. I put myself through rigorous and, at times, agonizing training sessions in order to improve and reach that potential top speed within me. Dreams and goals motivate me in this process. I set attainable and realistic goals because achieving them from time to time sustains my efforts in the long run. I also follow training programs designed on an accurate understanding of human physiology. These plans help me to apply my efforts at achieving excellence in running in effective ways. I do not waste my limited amount of effort on ineffectual activities. The church’s grand, supernatural ideals of godhood, perfection, and complete control of one’s thoughts make any kind of analogous pursuit of excellence impossible. Because these church teachings have to do with the fundamental nature and character of humanity itself, they actually interfere with the pursuit of excellence as an ideal. Here again, the value of this principle is of such great value that I sold the “one pearl of great price” to fully pursue excellence.

                Possibility—Growing up in the church I was taught that there was one plan for salvation, a plan of happiness for life and eternity. I was taught that this was a universal plan that was the same for everyone. To deviate from this prescribed program was a sin and would lead to unhappiness. The misery of disobeying would come in this life as well as continue into the next. The church presented this program as the great possibility of humanity. In fact, it is the only possibility for meaningful, lasting happiness and fulfillment.

                The value of possibility is that it radiates out in all directions. This pearl frees us to honor and acknowledge the unique potentiality within each of us. There are innumerable paths to goodness available to us. The happiness enjoyed by humanity comes out of many paths and pursuits. If one truly embraces this value they must acknowledge that a path different from their own is not only legitimate but even good. Possibility unleashes our most powerful and passionate selves. To abridge possibility with social norms and oppressive restrictions kills the best parts of us.

                The church claims to offer the ultimate of all possibilities but, in actuality, offers a strait gate and narrow way. Many members even express sorrow for those who do not have this plan and guidance from the church. I have heard members say that though others without the plan of salvation may seem happy, their true happiness is limited because they are missing the church’s program. Everyone must be baptized. All worthy young men should serve two year missions. Leaders exhort young adults to be busily engaged in getting married and having children. Other goals, dreams, and possibilities are often disparaged and presented as secondary considerations. Ideas, theories, and even personal revelation must align with the plan as interpreted by current leaders. This institutional tyranny is the very antithesis of possibility and, ironically, causes much unhappiness in individuals.

                As I grew, a desire to know and understand the world around me also emerged. Over time I acquired a wonderful set of skills and approaches to knowledge: the ability to think critically, weigh evidence, and analyze. Once I entered adulthood I discovered that the church’s explanations for life and the world did not correlate to what I knew. I saw others around me vocalize similar findings and face everything from outright church discipline to social ostracism from their friends and family. To remain within the church I would have to confine the possibilities of my life to its program or think what I may without ever sharing it openly. I saw before me a life of sitting quietly at the margins with a very limited set of possibilities. A life of possibility cannot thrive in such a setting. I chose this pearl and sold the oppressor.

                I am now at a point in life where I can see the fruit of my decision to go and sell all that I had to buy these pearls has enlarged my soul. I have tasted of the fruit and it is good. I did not resign my membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints because it is false or devoid of any good, but because it undermines those values I hold most dear. The church obscures truth, perpetuates injustices, undermines the pursuit of excellence, and limits possibility in spite of any good it does. I cannot with integrity lend any kind of support to or involvement with an institution so diametrically opposed to my values. Selling this “one pearl of great price” was the greatest and most transforming decision I have ever made. I now live with a sense of fullness and completeness that I used to think would only be possible in some afterlife. This I believe.

1. Packer, Boyd K. (1981), "The Mantle Is Far, Far Greater Than the Intellect," BYU Studies 21 (3): 259–277.