Post race reflection is a critical part of a runner's life and necessary if he hopes to improve upon his performance in later races. As a marathon is an exceptional event that punctuates the staid quality of day to day living, it illuminates and reveals much. The revelatory material, however, cannot be obtained except through conscious reflection and musing.
As with any great accomplishment, I have felt many congratulations from friends and even myself. This fruit should be savored and enjoyed for all that it is but I find it can be a dangerous trap too. Indulgence in too many feelings of a self-congratulatory nature leaves out the less pleasant but necessary questions of a more critical kind. Did I put everything out on the course? When I hit the wall, did I give in to the desire to slow, stop, or do anything less than my all? What aspects of my performance could be improved by modifying my training? How will my experience in this last race inform my preparations for the next one?
I think that post race feelings have some similarities to survivor's guilt. Just as the survivor questions whether he truly did everything he could have done to save those who did not make it out of whatever disaster they shared, I find that I must find specific bits of the evidence that I did indeed do my best. In this race I simply have to remember the last quarter of a mile when I was starting to make audible sounds as I rasped for air. All I wanted to do was stop. My body ached all over. Instead I picked up speed and actually regained my earlier pace. This incredible exertion took its toll as I was as emotionally taxed as I was physically. In an uncontrollable moment, my emotions took over and I began to sob between breaths. The tears coursed down my cheeks as I found the finish line in sight. I finished having given my all.
With respect to my training, I know that I need to increase my overall mileage from week to week. My speed was fine but my endurance needs some work if I am to avoid such levels of exhaustion (though I have never successfully avoided such a feelings in a marathon). The Las Vegas marathon was also relatively flat, the Boston marathon is not. I must prepare for my next marathon by including hill work (repeated runs up steep hills). I have put together my new training plan and have included such hill climbs.
I am always impressed by the lack of energy I feel in this recovery period but such feelings give me the opportunity to slow down and assess where I have been and now where I am going. Such a valuable gift is made possible by the total exertion of the unconquerable runner.
